And still my education continues...mentors I have loved and lost and the some

Earlier I noted that the transitions from dealing with candid and innocent (really, sometimes more savvy than I) children to political and scheming adults were some of the most challenging in my divided life. This continues as I am less in the home world and more in the work world, and still I am disappointed in the latter.

As I re-entered the 'career' track in earnest when my children were well in school (youngest in middle school), I soon realized my innocent approach to my career that had served me well in my part-time work life was not going to cut it in the corporate world. Doing my job well, being dedicated to performing at a consistently high level and working collaboratively with my colleagues was just not enough. I was advised by a (female) colleague, who I did not so much respect for her work as I marveled at her ladder climbing ability, that (1) my twinsets had to go (I love ‘em because they are really comfortable and practical), (2) a blazer – always- is key to being perceived as a professional (think lab coat, maybe?) and (3) a mentor was essential. Well that isn’t typically my way (not a true non-conformist, but more a pragmatist); I like the comfort of sweaters, can take or leave a blazer and formal mentors was not really my thing, but as a pragmatist, in many the adaptation was inevitable. I just did not expect the experience to be quite so transformational.

I ditched the sweaters, stocked up on blazers and suit separates and quite literally overnight, things changed. Silly but true. I hoped it wasn’t just the blazers, but what I saw change was the perception from others that I was now worth listening to (ridiculous, I know).

Next, I sought a mentor. Well, first I created a mentoring program (always the process driver), pitched that to senior management and kicked off a corporate-wide initiative (organization - it’s what I do….it’s what I live for) while I ‘piloted’ the program myself with a great, great guy whom we’ll call Saul. I had worked with him, but not for him, and respected his approach and lack of political slant. Long and short, it was a fantastic experience for me and effectively identified my ‘niche’ that I would later use to meld my career with my love of children/family to influence the way in which drug development impacts children. So blazers and mentors work and I was reminded that I can learn something from almost everyone (heck, if I can learn the insanity of corporal punishment from a 2 year old, the value of just sitting close to someone you love, in silence, from an infant and the sheer pleasure in a robust game of Pooh sticks from a 4 year old, this should have been obvious).

Fast forward to my next career leap, and with interest to expand my mentoring network, I joined a group program at my new company. In this program, I am introduced to David (for obvi reasons, names have been changed to protect me from lawsuits). David’s background is similar to mine in educational focus but his career goals brought him to the commercial side of the business. Well, in retrospect, maybe it was not his goals, but his unique personal style. After meeting with him in group and individually, I begin to get a feel for the man and I am nearly repulsed. He is arrogant, bigoted, chauvinistic and demeaning. But otherwise, he can be quite pleasant.

At the most recent conversation, I am actually stunned (which is not so easy for me, given my life experiences). This man has told a group of corporate women (he has already noted that he is disappointed that there are no men in the group…good thing his wife was sensible enough to have given him only sons) who have sought his career advice in working within the corporate structure to excel, that our efforts are admirable, but clearly our husbands’ careers are likely more important. He goes so far as to say that the executive women he knows all have either subservient husbands or have been successful before marrying equally successful men (like himself) and had the good sense not to have children.

Now, I’m not so naïve as to think I could devote a mere 40 hrs a week to my career and expect to be an executive. But, I have made the conscious choice to marry, have a family, raise my family and then re-embark on my career. And I expect I can do this and still achieve the ultimate career success that I desire, in spite of having taken a road, though more often traveled (I believe) than is often acknowledged, is not so socially popular.

Only time will tell actually how successful I will be in this, or any, career. I am confident that, having done this my way (with lots of advice, good, questionable and sometimes poor- which may have been the most useful), at the end of this I will hold my head high and be proud of what I have accomplished and the path I have taken.