A lost opportunity….first of many?

I confess to being no expert on parenting. I haven’t raised a dozen kids or even 3 (without making a mistake or two or two hundred), but I think I do know a thing or two about what children need and what, more importantly, what we mere mortal parents can provide.

It is from this perspective I speak to you now. On a recent Saturday, I found myself at a nail salon getting a pedicure. (Well, ‘found’ myself is not exactly right. I made an appointment and drove myself there. And, yes, after my youngest turned 20, I realized what a treat a pedicure can be and I now splurge every month or so and love it. And I can’t believe I still feel the need to justify this…. ah, well, I digress.)

As I relaxed in the aging massage chair and read a ladies magazine (the decadence, I know), I noticed a young mom enter with her maybe 3 year old daughter. I thought how cute, ‘mom and me’ time at the salon. This mom appeared to take great care of herself (good for you, mom) and did not strike me as a soccer mom, but more likely an outside the home, working mom. Again, no judgment, but I thought, good for you, taking some quality time for you and little young one. That was until she opened her cell phone.

Yes, this mom, who was now neatly ensconced in her own massage chair, placed her young daughter on her lap, facing the pedicurist, and picked up her phone. She spent the next 35 minutes (I kid you not...when I left, she was still talking) on the phone with someone while her daughter was making faces at the sweet pedicurist.

I felt like taking this woman (the mom, not the pedicurist) by the shoulders and shaking her while screaming, “WAKE UP! This child will not be young and open to listening to you for long and certainly will not be so keen to spend an hour with you very much longer.”

Now, I admit to sometimes dragging my own kids to appointments or the food store or some other not so fun place now and again….well maybe even weekly. But I always tried to remember that even these times are precious. Talking about the most mundane things, but really listening, can often be the most revealing conversations. I remember once making a point to one of children about the selection of the ingredients for dinner as we trolled the produce section and how to select a good cantaloupe melon (which may or may not have been a wives tale, but at least I was talking). Her young and innocent retort to me? “Mom, where do they keep the pink lemons?” Pink lemons, I noodled? “Yes, you know, the ones they make into pink lemonade.”

We all laughed, but I thought, how sweet and innocent. I almost missed that. The world, in this child’s eyes, was so clear and pure. I love that about my children and all children. ………My son’s confession that he knew Santa Claus didn’t bring gifts into the homes around world, logistically how ridiculous…. though he had heard the reindeer on the roof from his bedroom (oops…squirrels in the attic again??), so he was OK with the whole flying reindeer thing, but Santa in the chimney…mhmm maybe not.

……...The moment my children realized the footprints that Winnie the Pooh and Eeyore were tracking as they circled the big tree in “The Hundred Acre Woods” were their own.

……..And the day my kids realized how the money appeared under their pillows after their lost tooth disappeared.

Milestones, no doubt, but so easily missed if we’re not watching closely. I know our days are packed and full of oh so much, but we can not afford to miss these moments. They, like our children, are much too precious.

Just one woman’s opinion….

Inaugural blog

I have decided to embark on this blog, quite a departure from the 'me' to date, after reading a number of other blogs and enjoying the freedom of expression and anticipating the cathartic release. So here goes...

A bit of background... I am a health care professional, a field chosen for the healing and help I can provide, flexible nature of the career, and stability of the job opportunities. (What the heck, I was 16 yrs old when I made this decision; I think I was pretty mature). Shortly after 'finishing' school (more later), I married and started a family. I so excited to be a mom and had always planned to be the primary caretaker for my children (aka, the stay at home mom, or just plan mom). I looked forward to it and enjoyed, virtually, every moment of it (more definitely later).

Fast forward about 10 years, when I was seriously entertaining my return to my profession as a career (having maintained my license and working part time around various schedules from the day I left full time employment). I decided to 'jump start' my return by returning to school for an advanced degree. Continuing to work PT, mom and wife FT, elected public official PT, community activist (what is that, by the way?)/ volunteer PT etc etc, I earned my next degree...and then other. During this time, I returned to the 'corporate' environment with my peers no longer single people who cringed at the site of children (a few left) but now either parents themselves or childless couples/singles, more mature and worldly. I expected my transition back to be a bit rocky, but for reasons other than I discovered were true. I expected learning email and corporate politics to be by major concerns and learned quickly I had to 'hide' my true self or suffer the consequences.

My true self is still a wife and mom, but one who made a choice (somehow I find now mine was not a PC choice, so little tolerance for it) to raise my children with little outside help (I count Lorie and Nickki, who covered the 2-3 hours a week between my schedule and my husband's, and for the periodic 'date nights' with same, while invaluable, not substantive but definitely essential for my sanity. Little did I realize this choice would be something I have to hide now, even ten years later, for fear of it indicative of a lack of dedication to my career, lack of experience in managing people or projects (seriously??) or lack of my ability to multi-task (this was my most favorite for a laugh--definitely more later).

So here I write, ten years into my corporate career in a health care industry, that I still do not refer to the 'lost' years when I baked for my kids (still do a bit), ran the PTO, Girl Scout troops, soccer mom, softball mom, class mom (even to classes where I did not have a child because of other peoples' choices), community activist/leader, elected official, watched others' children (pro bono), volunteered in the classroom, ran the Spring Fair, Holiday Bazaar, etc etc etc....for fear of being thought of as not serious in my career. I refer to these years by my part time paid employment (yes, at the same time as above) and don't mention the part time nature. I listen silently when women (ironically, always women) refer to stay at home moms as a drain, lazy, with holier than thou attitudes. And I say nothing, as every time I have come to the defense of moms at home, I either get a chilling scowl, furrowed brow-look and I fear my cover is nearly blown or, worse, when on about 3 occasions I have sought to confess my true identity, receive the condescending retort and recoil...."Oh... really? Listen, I have to get going. Good luck with all that." (rbtl - read between the lines - I have some serious business to get to with serious adults, so ....be on your way.....)

Call me paranoid, call me shallow, but if this gets you to think about how you pre-judge someone without walking a mile or a playground in their shoes, my goal is met. Stay tuned for more, sometimes hilarious anecdotes about my experiences, both in my 'career' and while in my at-home mode, as I have been in this nether world for years. Not quite a FT sahm (stay at home mom) since I keep my work ties, and not truly a FT wm (working mom) as I was the mom who brushed hair for the school pix and helped pack up those wrapping paper orders, or waited with your kids 30-45 min after brownies cause you got caught at work... With feet in both worlds, keeping from splitting into two people was a challenge, and now I have to keep that time tightly locked away until...? Yet to be sure when to come out of the closet. Stay tuned.